President Aquino’s First 100 Days in Office
June 30:- Experienced the longest limousine ride of his life with his former economics teacher- Took his oath of office- Declared war against the “wangwang” (police sirens)- Committed his first ever mistake: the issuance of the confusing Memorandum Circular No. 1- Sang a pitchy version of “Estudyante Blues” at a street partyJuly 1:- Re-issued the “fine-tuned” Memorandum Circular No. 1- Palace spokesman argued with reporters and refused to call it a “boo-boo”Whatevs!July 4:- Did some target shooting in Antipolo City with his future brother-in-law Junjun BinayJuly 9:- Appointed Jesse Robredo as secretary of “DILG” but failed to inform the public that Robredo would be in charge only of the LG leaving the DI to another shooting buddyJuly 13:- Partied with the Malacañang Press Corps- Sang a song and scored 85. Outside, a heavy downpour.- Sang another song, scored 78. Outside, strong winds blew from the northeast.- Typhoon Basyang hit Metro ManilaJuly 14:- Stormed the NDCC office and reprimanded PAGASA for its “failure” to accurately predict the path of Typhoon Basyang- Went back to the palace, logged on to Facebook and deleted from his list of friends PAGASA chief Prisco NiloJuly 22:- While angry mobs busted pipes; schools suspended classes, and people fought over a pail of water, government announced that there was ‘no water crisis’July 26:- Played safe in his first State of the Nation Address: no major promises- Admitted that the government was almost bankrupt and blamed the Arroyo administration- Exposed the excesses of MWSS executivesJuly 27:- Played fair. Announced the appointment of Balay Group’s Ricky Carandang and Samar Group’s Herminio Coloma to the Presidential Communications GroupJuly 31:- In agony, watched his sister Kris as she announced on TV her admiration for Junjun Binay- Phoned Junjun Binay and apologized for her sister’s usual behaviorAugust 6:- To everyone’s surprise, fired Dr. Prisco Nilo of PAGASAAugust 23:- Hostage crisis happened- Performed a disappearing act- Isko Moreno took over.August 24:- Re-appeared on TV shortly after midnight and answered questions on the hostage crisis- Smiled during the press conAugust 26:- Censored his Facebook Like Page following a barrage of angry, racist, and obscene comments from Hong Kong Chinese nationals, and Filipinos as well- Dr. Prisco Nilo clicked “Unlike”August 27:- An intoxicated Little President reportedly spotted at the Manila Peninsula lobby with a has-been singer-actressAugust 31:- Welcomed Miss Universe 4th Runner Up Maria Venus Raj to MalacañangSeptember 1:- Palace spokesman denied existence of factions in CabinetPeks man? Cross your heart and hope to die?September 3:- Without a single official taking responsibility for the botched hostage rescue, he apologized (11 days after the incident); saving everyone’s asses in the processSeptember 7:- Revealed differences with Jesse Robredo (We knew it!)- Enrico Puno’s popularity (or infamy) surgedSeptember 9:- No holds barred interview with three generations of TV news anchors: Mel Tiangco, Ted Failon and Paolo Bediones- Foolishly admitted on live TV that he received an insulting letter from Hong KongWhat were you thinking?!September 13:- Sworn in members of the so-called “Truth Commission”Isang malaking good luck!September 13:- Ordered the PNP and the DILG to eradicate jueteng, and then declared: “Tapos na ang maliligayang araw nila!”Isa pang malaking good luck!September 14:- Challenged Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz to name his two trusted aides who were allegedly receiving jueteng payola- Vowed to penalize the two aides. His exact words: “Pasensiyahan tayo, walang awang mangyayari!”September 17- Received a copy of the IIRC Report on the hostage crisis- Released the full report to the Chinese- Released a portion of the report to the FilipinosSeptember 20- Left for the United States with BFF Mar RoxasSeptember 21:- Archbishop Oscar Cruz identified the president’s shooting buddy Enrico Puno and former PNP chief Jesus Versoza as “ultimate recipients” of jueteng payola- Archbishop Cruz revealed “’Yong asawa ni Barretto” visited and ordered him to “go easy” on the president’s shooting buddySeptember 23:- Spent $54 on hotdogs on a New York sidewalk with BFF Mar Roxas and another Balay Group member Cesar Purisima,September 24:- Told the press he would not sack Enrico Puno (See September 14 entry; second line)… because the man is entitled to “due process” (See August 6 entry)September 24:- “Yong asawa ni Barretto” denied telling Archbishop Cruz to “go easy” on the President’s shooting buddy; lectured the media on news gathering and reportingSeptember 25:- Spent seven minutes with Barack ObamaFirst world leaders get 15 minutesSeptember 25:- Lito Lapid filed a bill limiting the weight of children’s bagSeptember 28:- Returned to the Philippines with US$2.4 billion new investments- Distributed a bar of chocolate each to his sisters, and a “secret gift” (read: wala) to his girlfriendSeptember 29:- Shalani Soledad denied rumored breakup with the President(May alam kami.)September 30:- (Almost) excommunicated!(‘Di pa man nakakasal, excommunicated na. Patay tayo d’yan!)October 1:- Palace spokesman gave the Aquino administration a passing mark for its first three months in office(Love your own!)The honeymoon period is done.100 days are gone.2,090 days to go.2016: Are we there yet?————————————–“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”~Will RogersSurvey SaysPrangkahan na! Saan ka:- All-out war laban sa jueteng! 37.09%- Legalize it! 50.63%- Kahit ano. Bahala na. 12.28%From da Professional Heckler
Monday, October 4, 2010
The problem with political jokes is they get elected
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